Thursday, April 8, 2010

How did I get here?

Yesterday a good friend of mine was showing me something on a blog. I noticed a post about weight loss on the blog. I began to read it and it spoke to me. I am at about the same place and size she was when she started and my goals are the same. I feel like for the past 3 years I have done nothing but bang my head against a wall.
I had been pretty consistently a size 6 and about the same weight give or take 5 pounds most of my adult life. Right before I went back to work in the fall of 2005 I was probably in the best shape and health of my entire life. I had begun exercising and had done so on a regular and consistent basis for over a year. I slimmed down and toned up. I felt and looked GOOD!
When I returned to work, I let my exercise slip. It wasn't as easy to find time to go to the gym and there was always something else I needed to do. I didn't like the idea of just leaving the kids to go exercise. It felt selfish and I felt like a bad mom. The reason I was working the particular job was that I got off at 3 pm so I could be there with my kids in the afternoon. If I was going to take off to the gym, what was the point?
In March of 2007 I tore my ACL. At that time, we didn't realize that is what I had done, just that I had done something and needed to get it back. In Sept. I had my ACL replaced. I had one nightmare after another, none of it any one's fault, but it took me until early this year (2010) to get completely cleared to actually have full impact/running with my knee. During this time frame I also had some medication changes. Basically- bring on the 30 pounds! Most of it (20 lbs) in the first 2 months after my knee surgery and it has just stayed.
This is when my green fat pants entered the picture. I went to the thrift store to get them since I didn't fit into my other pants comfortably, especially with my knee issues, and figured they would be a short term addition to my wardrobe. I have refused to purchase many clothes at all during this time frame because I do not WANT to be this size. My green fat pants are on their last leg and I either have to replace them, or get the weight off! I am NOT buying more pants in this size. So it is time. Time to get real with myself. Time to realize that I can't continue they way I have been. Time to decide that I am in control, not food. Time to realize this is lifelong, not something I can just do for a while. Time to give my husband back the person he married. Time for me. Did you catch that- time for ME!

Now- for those of you that don't know, I am sharing a picture of my green fat pants. All of my friends know EXACTLY what I am talking about because it is all they have seen me in for over two years. I am sure they will be almost as happy as I am to see them go!

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