4.18.10

Today is a good day! Gorgeous weather, things falling into place, I got the DT projects I absolutely needed to get done for this week completed and photographed. Top that of with riding my bike to and from church. PERFECT! I am so glad my hubby suggested we do that. It really was a wonderful thing. I love when days work out so well :)

4.17.10

ok- the pity party is over- no one was showing up anyway :)

Drinking my water and with DH's urging actually went to the gym and did 25 minutes of cardio on the bike. Not a lot, but more than I have been and that is the goal.

I had someone tell me, while I was having the party, that it isn't about being "good" or "bad", it is about being better. I like that! THANK YOU!

This SUCKS!

Ok- I caved. I am sitting here with an Oreo shake from Jack in the Box. A LARGE one even (cuz it is only 50 cents more!- DUH!) I don't care if you call it dieting, eating healthy, making good choices, being an adult or what, it SUCKS! I hate being so conscious of food. It is totally consuming my life and almost every decision I make. I keep thinking of myself as "being good" or "being bad". I need to change my thought process, but today is not the day.

So there you have it, the ugly and now I am going to enjoy my shake and the gorgeous blue skies!

4.13.10

Today has certainly been a tough one. Had water next to me all day- just didn't grab it to drink! I was absolutely STARVING by lunch time and would like nothing more right now than to pop and munch an entire bag of popcorn. It is, however, after 8 pm- so I won't.

Bottoms up!

Two days in a row I have drunk at least 8 glasses of water! This is a record, now to go for three!!

4.12.10

I haven't had lunch and am already 512 calories in for the day. THAT is NOT good! Dang scones anyway :). I am half way through my water for the day though. THAT is good. Much easier at work to keep up on the water than at home on the weekends.

I did it!!!

I actually drank 8 cups of water on Sunday!!! That was HUGE and I didn't think I would make it. It doesn't seem like a lot, but I really had to think about it to make it happen. I also wanted to be certain that it happened spread out during the day. It wasn't perfect, but it DID happen!

One day down, the rest of my life to go and I am healthy! WOOOO HOOOO!

4.11.10

I almost did a big no-no and skipped breakfast. It wasn't intentional, it just sometimes seems to work out that way. When I realize at 10:30 I haven't eaten yet, it almost seems silly to start then with lunch just around the corner. I did it though. I grabbed a yogurt and got my metabolism started. Better late than never, but I need to pay better attention to this.

4.10.10

Ok, weekends are going to be more difficult to get in the water I need to drink. Not only that, but I can tell that the bottled water at work is different than the water from our faucet (BLECH!). Lemons or limes are now on the grocery list!

04.09.10 - evening

I was doing really pretty well until this evil place called "Big Juds" :). No- I did not have the actual Big Jud, but I did pretty much blow the 120o calories per day out of the water! ooooooooooooo and can I tell you that I love fry sauce? LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! So much that I even ate the tots (blech) so I could have the fry sauce. Yes, I have a problem.

Well, today is done, I am going to go drink more water and no more eating tonight as it is now after 8 pm and start again tomorrow.

4.09.10

I did not get the blizzard last night. I decided this morning to go looking and WOW- I could not eat all day if I had one!! Calories in a Blizzard and that is IF I didn't get the employee with the heavy hand at the hot fudge- you know the one I mean, the favorite employee!!

I did end up popping some microwave popcorn and eating the entire bag. Yep, the whole thing all by myself! Even better- it was only an hour before bed. I am sure that did my metabolism a ton of good.

I have decided I need to set some mini goals/boundaries that I believe will help me make permanent changes in my behavior. It has to be permanent changes or none of this will do me any good, I have already learned that. It took me a few million times, but I finally got it!

1- drink 8 cups of water daily
2- no eating after 8 pm
3- exercise for 30 minutes 3 times per week

Those are my first goals. If I can do that and stay around 1200 calories per day, I will be doing GREAT! The rest will come after I have conquered this!

04.08.10

I am attempting to keep my calorie intake to 1200. Since I have never really counted calories before and have no clue I am using the tracking feature on Spark People. I am horrified with what I am learning! I can tell that this is going to be a huge learning experience for me about what I have been eating from a caloric intake. I can also tell you that it is 7:45 pm and it is taking EVERYTHING in me to not get in the car and go get a cookie dough blizzard!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

How did I get here?

Yesterday a good friend of mine was showing me something on a blog. I noticed a post about weight loss on the blog. I began to read it and it spoke to me. I am at about the same place and size she was when she started and my goals are the same. I feel like for the past 3 years I have done nothing but bang my head against a wall.
I had been pretty consistently a size 6 and about the same weight give or take 5 pounds most of my adult life. Right before I went back to work in the fall of 2005 I was probably in the best shape and health of my entire life. I had begun exercising and had done so on a regular and consistent basis for over a year. I slimmed down and toned up. I felt and looked GOOD!
When I returned to work, I let my exercise slip. It wasn't as easy to find time to go to the gym and there was always something else I needed to do. I didn't like the idea of just leaving the kids to go exercise. It felt selfish and I felt like a bad mom. The reason I was working the particular job was that I got off at 3 pm so I could be there with my kids in the afternoon. If I was going to take off to the gym, what was the point?
In March of 2007 I tore my ACL. At that time, we didn't realize that is what I had done, just that I had done something and needed to get it back. In Sept. I had my ACL replaced. I had one nightmare after another, none of it any one's fault, but it took me until early this year (2010) to get completely cleared to actually have full impact/running with my knee. During this time frame I also had some medication changes. Basically- bring on the 30 pounds! Most of it (20 lbs) in the first 2 months after my knee surgery and it has just stayed.
This is when my green fat pants entered the picture. I went to the thrift store to get them since I didn't fit into my other pants comfortably, especially with my knee issues, and figured they would be a short term addition to my wardrobe. I have refused to purchase many clothes at all during this time frame because I do not WANT to be this size. My green fat pants are on their last leg and I either have to replace them, or get the weight off! I am NOT buying more pants in this size. So it is time. Time to get real with myself. Time to realize that I can't continue they way I have been. Time to decide that I am in control, not food. Time to realize this is lifelong, not something I can just do for a while. Time to give my husband back the person he married. Time for me. Did you catch that- time for ME!

Now- for those of you that don't know, I am sharing a picture of my green fat pants. All of my friends know EXACTLY what I am talking about because it is all they have seen me in for over two years. I am sure they will be almost as happy as I am to see them go!

The Skinny

or not!

I have decided that I have had enough! It is time to be a big girl and realize that I can not eat like I used to and look like I used to. I have to eat healthy and I have to eat less.

I am embarking on a journey, a journey that does not end! It has rewards along the way, but I don't get to stop. So, if you would like to join me on this journey, feel free. I am going to share the good, the bad and the ugly (there may be a lot of ugly). I am going to be honest. It will be my opinions and no one, I mean no one, has to agree with me. This is my journey, not yours. I hope you take your own journey and I would love to hear your thoughts if you care to share.